Easing your kids (back) out of the nest

There was a time when children got to school-leaving age and their parents’ work was done. They either found a job or got a student grant and headed off to university.

But along with the 21st century came a new reality: the boomerang generation. Leaving home is no longer the norm for many. And neither is financial independence.

Adult children who stay on at home are commonplace, and so is returning home when the wheels come off relationships or jobs, where they can enjoy the perks: saving on rent, enjoying delicious home-cooked meals, and having their washing done.

Another reason for returning home is for those adult children who wish to save for a deposit on a flat. Even if they contribute to costs at home, this is unlikely to be as much as full rental and living costs elsewhere, including food, energy bills and council tax. They may be saving for the next phase in their lives, whether it be studying for a new qualification, planning to volunteer for a charitable organisation or moving abroad for work or pleasure. All usually need significant savings stowed away.

There is some good news

According to Office for National Statistics (ONS) data (Opens in new window) released in 2023 based on the 2021 census, 3.8m families in England and Wales had adult children living with them compared to a decade earlier – an increase of 13.6%.

A Pew Research Centre study of US-based families found 45% of parents say the experience has been very positive.

Parents’ views are more mixed when it comes to the impact living with their young adult child has had on their own financial situation: 27% say the impact has been positive and 18% say it’s been negative. 72% of young adults who live with their parents say they contribute financially to the household in some way. This includes 65% who say they pay for household expenses like groceries or utility bills, and 46% who say they contribute to the rent or mortgage.

But among young adults ages 18 to 34, whether they live at home or independently, fewer than half (45%) say they’re completely financially independent from their parents.

Sometimes home is best

Having your adult children live at home can work for both parents and adult children. If parents need to be cared for, if costs need to be shared and if family members enjoy each other’s company, it's fine to live together. After all, extended families were historically the norm for many centuries, and the nuclear family is relatively recent.

But the arrangement may not always be to the benefit of the parents. A 2018 Europe-wide study by the London School of Economics and Political Science showed that adult children who went back home to live with their parents, the boomerang generation, caused a significant decline in parents’ quality of life and well-being. ONS data (Opens in new window) showed just over a quarter of young adults were living with their parents in 2023, the highest number since records began in 1996.

Dr Marco Tosi, coauthor of the paper, commented: 'When children leave the parental home, marital relationships improve, and parents find a new equilibrium. They enjoy this stage in life, finding new hobbies and activities. When adult children move back, it is a violation of that equilibrium.'

You may be one of those parents whose adult children have stayed home or remained financially dependent on you even if they have left. If you don’t have enough money to support your adult children, you should speak to them, explain your position, and ask for their help with household expenses and chores. Even if you do have enough money, you might want to start giving your adult children more responsibility. You may also want to help them to navigate their lives as they transition from one difficult situation to another.

Help them cope

If you're concerned that they won’t be able to cope on their own, talk to them about what their needs are and help them to learn to budget and plan their financial lives. You could give them a session with a financial adviser, or suggest they contact the Citizen's Advice Bureau (Opens in new window) or Moneyhelper (Opens in new window) for advice.

Adult children who are too dependent on their parents tend not to thrive. It’s far better for them spiritually and psychologically to be independent. Any success they have will be their own. They need to be given the power to grow up fully, and whether they have the space to do this in your home or their own is up to you and your family. Either way, you can encourage them to have more independence and equity with you.

So, how can you help them? Do it with compassion. Treat them like adults. Explain to them that your pockets are not bottomless, and that you need to think about your own needs as you approach old age.

Finally, encourage them to look forward to the day they will move out into a place of their own. Then they can ask you over for supper, and you can go around their place, turn the thermostat up and switch all the lights on.

Whatever you decide to do, look after your money. Chase's easy-access saver account lets you start saving with as little as you like

18+, UK residents. A Chase current account is required to open a saver account.

Recommended reading

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• Stamp cards and loyalty stamps
• Give yourself a midlife money check-up

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